It Only Hurts Me When I Smile
by bambiblake007
Summary: What would've happened if Danny had not let Rikki leave when she came to say good-bye. Or atleast, what i think might've happened.


title:** It Only Hurts Me When I Smile**

author: BambiBlake007

summary: What would've happened if Danny had not let Rikki leave so soon, when she came to say good-bye?

rating: PG-13

pairing: Danny/Rikki with hints of DL

disclaimer: i do not own CSI:NY, Danny Messer, Rikki Sandoval, or Lindsay Monroe. these characters all belong to Zuiker & co.

author's note: again, i do not consider myself a wonderfully talented fan-fiction writer, but i like to play with Zuiker's toys, they so pretty :) anyway, this is my take on what should've happened in the episode. again, this is a story about Danny & Rikki. there is some hints of DL, but it is not a DL story!! i repeat, NOT A DL STORY!! if you DO NOT like the idea of Danny & Rikki being a couple, plz DO NOT READ!! but if you are ok with the pairing, then by all means, do read & comment, cos feedback is love :)

author's note 2: all errors are mine!! i take full responsibilities!!

* * *

He stood there in his doorway, watching her as she walked away.

He held the sugar in his hand, feeling the weight of it for the first time since he'd taken it from her. He wondered if this really was good-bye or if it was actually a dream playing out inside his head. He didn't want to tell her good-bye. He wanted to take her in his arms, hug her close, kiss her softly, protect her from all the harm that the world brought.

Before he realized he was even saying the words, they spilled from his lips.

"Rikki, wait...Come back here for a minute...Please..."

Rikki stopped and turned toward the man who had spoken her name, who had pleaded for her to come back to him. She smiled her slow sweet smile and for a moment, she felt as if she might let the tear drops fall, let him see her vulnerable and raw like she'd let him see her the day he'd told her the news of her son's death. She thought in those few moments that maybe she could actually tell him she wasn't leaving...but she knew better. Once the tears were wiped from her eyes, she knew that he would see that she wasn't kidding around with him anymore. She was leaving...For good this time.

"Yes, Danny?" she whispered, pushing her hands into her pockets, feeling her stomach flutter at the sound of his name as it passed through her lips. She stepped back toward him, smiling all the while, but with each step she had to fight the tears back as well.

"I just--I can't--"

Danny Messer had never found it hard to speak to a woman. In fact, he'd thought of himself being quite the suave confident play-boy when it came to women, he'd had no problem walking up to one and laying on the charm in his younger days, but this wasn't just any woman. This was Rikki Sandoval. This was Ruben's mom. This was the woman he'd caused great pain for...even when she swore he'd done nothing to cause her heart to break, the words had been easier said than believed, Danny had found in the last weeks. Every passing moment had been filled with him trying to wrap his brain around what he had done or not done, why he'd not protected Ruben that day on the street, why he'd let Ruben be shot in that bodega robbery. Rikki said he'd done nothing that day that she wouldn't of done any different, yet he could not bring himself to be satisfied with her re-assurance.

Rikki tilted her head to the side, which caused her light brown hair to fall over her shoulder, Danny caught sight of the pendant around her neck then. It was small, gold, heart shaped. He'd never noticed it before. He wondered why, as he let his powder blue eyes glance over it, taking it all in as if it were the most beautiful sight his eyes had ever beheld. Rikki must've sensed that he was staring at it, cos as if instinctively, she reach up and clutched it. She giggled, cutting her light eyes away from Danny's face.

"I got it at a jewelers. Ruben had seen it in the store one day when I'd taken a watch in to get it repaired," Rikki sniffed her nose, her eyes fluttering up to meet Danny's for a moment, then quickly moving back to stare downward as she continued. "He told me he was going to get the money to buy it for me...For my birthday. I don't know how he was planning to get the money, probably call his grandma or something to ask for it, but..." she swallowed.

Danny waited, feeling his own eyes well up with tears.

"I was in the jewelers last week...I had to get the watch..." Rikki chuckled, lightly. "I'd actually forgotten about it. I saw the locket while I was there. I had to buy it. He wanted me to have it."

She ran her index finger over the heart, lightly touching it, then she opened it, but quickly shut it again, all in one motion. Danny caught the smiling face inside the locket. It was that of Ruben Sandoval, barely 10 yrs old...An Angel now, he knew.

Rikki sniffled once more. "I carry him with me now."

Danny nodded, still holding the small bowl of sugar in his hand.

Rikki looked up then. Her face was soft, but her eyes were glossed over with the wet tears she was trying so desperately to hold back. She tried to smile, but the smile was short lived, cos as soon as her eyes met Danny's, she couldn't hold them back. She began to weep, standing there in the hallway, outside of Danny's apartment. She stood there, feeling the entire world as it crashed in on her. She'd only meant to stop by to let the good-looking CSI Detective down the hall, know she was moving away. She had never meant to break down before him. She'd never meant for him to feel sorry for her.

"Rikki..." Danny whispered from somewhere to her right. His voice was low and comforting.

"I'm sorry..." Rikki lifted her eyes as she took several swipes at them, trying to compose herself once more. "You don't have to say anything."

Danny watched as the young beautiful, yet fragile woman straightened herself once more, complete composure now. She smiled through the pain. Made herself smile through it, it seemed. He wanted to reach for her. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted her to come inside now. He regretted telling her to go away. He regretted calling Lindsay to come by for some late night rendezvous. He regretted all his short-comings, all the times he'd fucked up in the past and all the times he knew he'd let the ones he loved the most down. He wanted to make things right. For once, he wanted to fix something and make it better.

"Why don't you come in?"

Rikki frowned. "I thought you said--"

Danny sighed, avoiding her eyes. "I know what I said."

Rikki glanced about the small hallway. "You sure?"

Danny smiled. "I'm sure."

He stepped aside, letting Rikki pass through the door to his apartment. As she stepped over the threshold, he caught a whiff of her soft hair, it smelled of strawberries. He said nothing as she brushed her arm against his wife-beater. He felt the familiar tingles course through his belly, making its way to his heart. He couldn't help it, he had feelings for this woman. The timing might've sucked. The basis of their relationship definitely sucked, but there was just no denying the passion between the two of them. She made Danny feel alive much like he made her feel alive, and while the premise of their relationship was born out of something awful, the reality was that he had needed her that night just as much as she'd needed him.

Rikki walked into the familiar living room, surveying the room lightly, wondering if the rain outside the window was loud enough to drown out the thud of her heart-beat. She'd planned to leave Danny there in the doorway, she'd planned to just tell him he was a sweet man, then to walk away. She'd planned to make a clean break, let him go. Let it all go. And to let her secrets go with it. But there was one thing she'd learnt about Danny Messer since the day her son had died, Danny was a stubborn guy. He wouldn't just let things go. If he felt something was off, he would find a way to fix it...No matter what the cost, it seemed.

Danny placed the sugar bowl on the side table at his door, which he used for his keys and mail, shut the door behind them, locking it for good measure, he never knew if Linday would decide to come over or not. That was something he didn't want to be treating light-heartedly either, cos Lindsay had finally listened to his words. She'd finally found some peace with him. For once in the last month or so, they'd communicated their feelings to one another and Danny knew that if she walked in on him with Rikki, she'd not understand what it was all about. So what if he'd called her, so what if he'd apologized to her, so what if he'd told her he needed her? She'd never understand his need to fix things between him and Rikki as well. She'd take one look at this broken situation and run from it. She'd continue to push him away if she even thought for a second there was anything going on between him and Rikki Sandoval. As much as Danny hated to admit it, he was a man at the end of the day, and when you were a man, there was a certain amount of responsibility that came with that...No matter the consequences.

Rikki turned just then. "Messer, party of one?"

It took Danny a moment to realize what she was referring to. He noticed the beer bottles on the coffee table. He'd completely forgotten about those! He chuckled, feeling like a lil boy who'd just got caught looking at his dad's smutty magazines or something. He was a lil embarrassed, sure, but he tried to play it off cool.

"It was a long day," he explained as he made a bee-line for the beer bottles.

"I'm not judgin'," Rikki assured him, folding her arms over her chest as she watched Danny clean up the mess.

Danny chuckled again, trying to juggle the bottles as he made his way over to the kitchen. He put the bottles on the counter top, trying to figure out what to do next. He'd had some pretzels out as well, most of them dumped out on the coffee table now, he'd noted only seconds earlier. But he figured Rikki didn't want pretzels. Or beer, for that matter, she'd probably want coffee or something. He'd have to make coffee, he remembered, he'd drunk it all that morning. Danny turned his attention on the cabinet, gathering up what he needed to make it with. Did he have any donuts? He thought he might have some...He was a cop, after all, didn't they always have donuts on hand? He heard himself snort softly. God, he shouldn't have drank all that beer...

"Need any help in there?" Rikki asked, cutting into Danny's thoughts, frantic search for donuts, and coffee preparation.

He turned slightly, catching a glimpse of Rikki's light pink shirt at the corner of his eye. "No. No. Take a seat, there. I thought ya might like some coffee."

"You don't have to fix any coffee for me, Danny."

Danny bit his bottom lip. He turned to her completely. "Let me, k?"

Rikki said no more. She nodded, feeling her tears returning. She quickly averted her eyes from the man before her, turned, and did as he asked, set down on the couch, and waited.

It took Danny a few minutes, but he did find something for Rikki to eat while he waited for the coffee to make. He came across some fig newtons he'd completely forgotten about, he just hoped they weren't stale. He took the fig newtons out of the cabinet and headed back to the living room.

"It'll be a few minutes," he told Rikki as if she didn't know it took a few minutes for coffee to make. He pushed the fig newtons out to her.

Rikki smiled up at him, trying to hide the confusion she was feeling on the inside.

Danny chuckled. "I don't got no donuts," he answered.

"Oh." Rikki giggled softly, getting the joke. "Thank you."

She took the fig newtons and proceeded to eat one. Danny set down next to her on the couch. The ballgame he'd been watching before he'd heard the knock at his door (and had actually assumed it was Lindsay) was still on. He'd put it on mute in order to answer the door and now he wasn't sure whether to turn it back on or turn it off completely. He wasn't sure what to do cos a part of him was still feeling guilty for what he'd done with Rikki that night they'd both been feeling so much pain.

It had been simple, just talking, just remembering the lil boy they'd both lost, but then the sex had complicated things. It wasn't like if things hadn't already been going on between him and Lindsay that he wouldn't of wanted to explore the possibility of a relationship with Rikki, but things weren't right between him and Lindsay as it was. He wasn't sure what they actually were, whether they had a future or not cos he was the kinda guy that had to sort matters of the heart out, on his own, especially when he might be feeling something beyond a casual relationship with someone. He knew that Lindsay Loved him, maybe he'd known it all along. But the push-and-pull of Lindsay had been hard for him...Then, Ruben had happened...The little boy down the hall had died while in his care. When he'd tried to come to terms with the reality that Ruben was gone, that had brought him to Rikki.

Rikki was special to him. She was a light in the darkness. She was his salvation. He'd known this for some time, but the possibility that he'd actually hurt Lindsay in order to get to that salvation, had been realized one night too late. He'd done what he'd done. He'd been wrestling with the feelings he'd harbored for Lindsay for far too long. Then, Rikki had brought about some kidna release for him. Release from his frustrations over Lindsay pushing him away. Release from his anger. Release from his helplessness. Release from all the bullshit that had been eating him alive since that morning on that busy street only blocks from his apartment building. She had given him release in ways he'd never thought he'd feel again as long as he lived. All the feelings he'd kept bottled up (hell, even the feelings he'd kept bottled up over his brother Louie) had come rushing out over all the flood-gates he'd built up through the years. And he had Rikki to thank for releasing him.

Danny decided to turn the tv off. He set the remote on the end table at his right, then set back against the cushion, clasping his hands over his stomache, watching Rikki as she took another bite of the fig newton he'd just given her. She felt his eyes on her, and this caused her to become self aware.

"What'cha lookin' at?" she asked, a tinge of playfulness in her soft voice for the first time in a long time.

Danny shook his head, with a smirk. "Nothin'."

"Com'n, Danny."

Danny rubbed the bridge of his nose, keeping his eyes on her. "It ain't stale, is it?" he asked.

Rikki bit her bottom lip. "No. Why? Is it old?"

Danny shrugged with a playful smile and wink.

Rikki tilted her head to the side. "It's good..."

"You sure?"

Rikki nodded as she took another bite of the cookie. Then, she reach the rest of it out to him. "Want a bite?"

Danny licked his lips. But said nothing.

"Com'n, Danny. Take a bite of it."

"A'ight."

He leaned over and took the end of the fig newton she was offering, between his lips. It broke off in Rikki's hand and it caused her to giggle which caused Danny to laugh as well. It took them both a moment to stop laughing as Danny tried to chew and swollow the cookie without getting chocked on it. It wasn't stale, but it wasn't as good as a donut, either, he had to admit.

"Sorry, Messer..." Rikki apologized as she instinctively reach over and began to clean off his sweat pants.

There was a moment there, a moment that Danny knew she felt as well. He hadn't stopped her, but he hadn't meant for her to get the impression it was ok for her to touch him below the belt, so to speak, either. He felt his face as it grew hot. He knew he was beet-red, without having a mirror to view himself in. Rikki pulled her hand away from his leg, halfway up his thigh, feeling her own face as it tinged redder than it had been only moments before. She turned and put the crumbs she'd cleaned off of Danny's lap into the plastic tray that the fig newtons had been packaged in. She set the rest of the cookies down on the coffee table and set back against the cushion. She didn't look at Danny, tho.

A few minutes of silence lingered in the air between the two of them. It wasn't awkward silence, really. It was just the kind of silence that two old friends, who might've been more at some point in time in their lives, had between them. It was actually a comfortable silence, if anything.

"Where are you moving to, anyhow?" Danny suddenly cut into the silence.

Rikki turned to him. "Um, I have some family in Maryland. I'm gonna move there. Get myself a new job. A new place. Maybe a lil house or something like that. My uncle runs a law firm there, he needs a paralegal. That's what I went to college for, might as well use it, hm?"

Danny nodded. "Paralegal, huh?"

Rikki tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Yeah. I had to quit working when Ruben's dad left us."

"When was that?"

"Uh, when Ruben was, like, 5 years old."

Danny sighed heavily. "That sucks."

"Yeah. But the kid was strong. He never let it get him down. He never even asked where his daddy was. I knew that Ruben knew that it was the best for the both of us..." Rikki smiled, remembering her son as her finger touched the locket around her neck.

"Ruben was an old soul. Did I ever tell ya that?" Danny asked, reaching out and touching her knee.

Rikki nodded. She glanced down at Danny's hand, resting on her knee as if it was meant to be there. She bit her bottom lip, feeling a smile as it came to her face. His hand sent warmth through her entire body, even though, she could not feel it through her jeans. She reach her own hand out to him and took a hold of it. She intertwined her fingers with his. His were rough and calloused, smaller than she'd remembered, but still feeling loving and warm against her own hand.

Danny let Rikki hold his hand. It was ok, he figured, cos she was needing re-assurance that it was ok for her to feel human contact, even if it was a brief moment of human contact between the two of them, it didn't matter cos she was the light he'd found in the darkness, after all. Her hand was small and fragile. Her hand was soft and he could tell it was filled with motherly warmth. She was still a mother, at the end of the day, Rikki Sandoval was a mommy.

Rikki's eyes filled with tears then. She began to cry, this time not holding back anything. For a moment, Danny just set there, still holding her hand in his, watching her, wishing her pain away, but not sure how to do it. She was mumbling something, incoherently, random babbling it seemed to Danny to no one in particular. She was moving about on the couch, fidgeting more like it, but never breaking her hold on Danny's hand still laying over her knee. She would sniffle here, try to control her breathing there, but the entire time, she kept mumbling her words. Something that Danny wasn't understanding, yet he understood completely.

Danny didn't even realize he'd moved over to the woman beside him on the couch. He had already closed the gap between them when he realized it. He pulled the crying woman into his arms and held her close to his chest. He heard no rain pittering down the window. He heard no rain hitting the roof. He only heard her sobbing in his arms. He didn't care that she was crying on his wife-beater. He didn't even care if she was getting snot on it. All he wanted was for her to let it all out.

"Shh." He whispered against the crown of her head. He rocked her back and forth in his arms, nuzzling his nose against her hair as he did so. He kissed her head a couple times, closing his eyes as he did so. "Shh. Now."

"He's gone, Danny! My Baby's gone!" Rikki was crying so hard her words came out long and slurred.

"I know, Honey. I know."

"I can't live without him, Danny. I can't live without my Baby!"

"Yes you can, Rikki. You have to...You're going to Maryland, remember?" Danny pulled back and placed his hands over her ears, staring into her eyes, making her keep her head tilted up toward him so she had to stare into his eyes as well. "You're gonna work and have a nice lil house somewhere along the coast. You'll meet all kindsa nice people there."

"But Ruben won't be there," Rikki whispered.

"But you'll meet someone there. A nice man. He'll fall in Love with you. How could he not?" Danny continued, feeling his own eyes begin to wail up with tears.

"No. He won't fall in love with me," Rikki shook her head as the tears streamed down her face.

"He will." Danny brushed a piece of her hair back from her forehead. "And you'll have another baby. You'll be a mommy again."

"I don't want to replace Ruben, tho."

With that Rikki began to sob loudly once more. Danny shook his head. He knew he'd said something that had caused her heart to sting once more. Something that he'd thought would make matters better, but had somehow made matters worse.

"No, I never meant it that way." He chuckled lightly. "There's no way you could ever replace Ruben. He's your first born. I just meant that..." Danny licked his lips as he tried to choose his words carefully. "I just meant that you'll have a life there. You'll make friends, have another child. Have the chance to be happy again. That's all, Sweetheart. That's all I meant."

Rikki sniffed her nose. She lifted her eyes to Danny once more. "You think so?"

Danny nodded as he pulled her to him once more. "I know so. You'll be a mommy again. I know you will."

"I want to be a mommy again."

"I know."

"I want to hold another baby in my arms. I want to see Ruben's smile in the smile of another child."

"I know, Baby," Danny whispered against her forehead.

There was a long pause then. The two of them set in that comfortable silence, holding each other close. Rikki still crying, softly, and Danny fighting back his own tears as he showered soft kisses on her forehead and hairline. He knew the coffee was ready, but he ignored its aroma, and continued to comfort the grieving woman he held close to him at the moment. He wanted to make her feel happy. That was his mission when it came to Rikki Sandavol, make her feel all the happiness he possibly could.

"You know, I think you'll like Maryland," he told her softly.

"What's there to like?"

"I don't know...Stuff..."

The woman in his arms chuckled between sobs. "Tell me, Danny...I wanna hear all about Maryland," Rikki whispered against his chest.

Danny sighed. "I've never been there, but I know they have fishing towns." He chuckled. "You'll have fresh fish, anyway."

Rikki chuckled along with him. "Maybe you'll come down and eat with me sometime?"

"Yeah..." Danny smoothed a piece of Rikki's hair back. "Consider me there."

Rikki pulled back then. She smiled at the man before her. She said nothing as she reach out and brushed the side of his face with her hand, much like she'd done at the doorway earlier in the evening when she'd tried to make a clean break.

"You're a good man, Danny Messer."

Danny took a hold of her wrist, he stared into her sparkling eyes that mirrored only pain now. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Danny. I told you...What happened to Ruben...It wasn't your fault."

"But I was supposed to be watching him...I let him--"

Rikki pushed her fingertips against his lips. "Don't. It could've just as easily happened with me."

"It would've never happened with you, Rikki. You would've reacted differently if you'd been in the situation."

Rikki shook her head. "No, Danny. You didn't know that woman was going to shoot at Ollie Barnes. You were doing your job. You were trying to protect all those innocent people on the street. Think about all the people you kept from getting hurt. You did the right thing."

Danny tilted his head back with a sigh. "Ruben. Should. Be. Alive."

Rikki smiled through the tears. "God giveth and God taketh away. We both know that."

Danny closed his eyes. "I know. It's just that I wish--"

"Hey," Rikki took a hold of Danny's face, she guided him to where he'd look directly at her. He opened his eyes. "I'm not angry with you."

"But I--"

Rikki stared at the man before her for a moment. His face was soft and he was vulnerable, more vulnerable than she'd ever seen him look before, even the one night of passion the two of them had shared. Danny Messer'd not shown that much vulnerability even then. He'd tried so hard to hide his feelings from her, tried so hard to make himself seem ok on the outside, even though, Rikki knew he was falling apart on the inside, just like she was.

"Shh."

She pushed her hand up into his hair, letting her fingers twist through it as she did so. Danny let her touch his hair, he let her be loving toward him cos she wanted to do it for him. He knew she wanted to show him that she was there, she was his friend, just as he'd been there for her, just as he'd showed her that he was her friend that night that was forever etched in both their memories.

There was a few seconds of eye contact then the kiss began, slow and deliberate. It seemed as if time stopped just then. The kiss wasn't like any other kiss Danny had ever had with a girl. Those kinda kisses were usually hot and sloppy cos he'd only been after one thing from them...Sex!! But this kiss was slow and full of comfort and maybe even a tinge of concern mixed in there somewhere, he wasn't sure. But as his arms wrapped around the small frame of Rikki Sandoval, Danny couldn't help but think that this was the person he was supposed to be in love with. There was something between them, something stronger than Ruben, something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

They didn't break the kiss as Rikki struggled to lift Danny's wifebeater up, revealing inch after inch of his stomache to her as she did so. Rikki continued onward, knowing in the back of her mind that this was not something she should be pushing Danny into, as she let her lips kiss down the side of his neck, over his shoulder, moving tenderly around the edges of his tattoo. Lifting herself toward him, trying her best to wrap her entire body around his, Rikki felt the excitement course through her as Danny nibbled at her ear, letting his lips flutter over her porcelain skin, down her neck to the top of her shirt collar.

The wife-beater was almost over his shoulders, when she managed to get herself onto his lap. But it was not to be disregarded as she had earnestly tried to do in those few intense moments between them. The kiss was becoming something more than just two good friends trying to comfort one another as it was, but had she disregarded the shirt, she knew where it would've led them...into Danny's bedroom, clothes discarded here and there, and sex would've been the end result. Just like the last time they'd played this game, sex had been the end result.

The knock at the door had come not a moment too soon, breaking their dance in one fail swoop.

The two of them stopped kissing each other, lifting their heads to stare at one another as if they'd just been caught in some embarrassing position. A second knock came.

Danny leaned back against the couch cushion, Rikki still on his lap, sighing heavily as he did.

"I think you have company, Danny."

Danny pulled his shirt down over his stomach. "I called a friend earlier."

"Oh."

Danny reach out and pushed a piece of Rikki's hair that had fallen over into her eyes, back from her face. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. I'm the one that should be sorry. Really. You said you didn't wanna talk, I should've listened."

Danny shook his head. "This isn't your fault. I wanted you to hang around a bit."

"I'll just go, then." Rikki stumbled backwards off Danny's lap.

Danny stood up and followed along behind Rikki toward the door. Before he reach out to open it, he reach for her. He gave her a hug cos he had a feeling this was going to be the last time he'd see her...Unless she really did take him up on a dinner date in Maryland sometime. He knew that the sex that would've happened, had not someone knocked on his front door, wouldn't of done anything but complicate matters worse. He knew that Rikki didn't need to have his problems on top of her own problems. He knew it was best she leave now, leave it all behind. He had been selfish he guessed, in those moments leading up to her entering his apartment. She had not wanted to invade on his privacy, she had been willing to walk away, yet there he'd been, wanting to fix things between them. And when he tried to fix things, he'd almost made them worse on both of them.

When they pulled away, Danny smiled down at her once more. "You're beautiful, Rikki."

Rikki felt her cheeks as they blushed. "You take care, now, my sweet man."

Danny nodded, pushing the tears back as he did so.

The two of them stared at one another for a moment longer, til they knew it was over. It was over and there was no turning back now. Danny had to let Rikki go and Rikki had to let Danny go. The feelings between them had to be ignored. They both knew this. They both vowed this in those few seconds they shared, standing at Danny's front door.

Danny took a deep breath and reach out and unlocked the door. Standing in the hallway, a smile over her face, was Lindsay Monroe. She was wet from being out in the rain. But her face was bright and eager, showing that she was in need of a really long talk with Danny. But as soon as her grey eyes moved over to the woman at Danny's side, her smile faded. She knew who it was. It was Ruben Sandoval's mom, it was Rikki. The woman Danny had been spending all of his time with since her lil boy had died. She'd been the one that Danny had been opening up to. She'd been the one that had taken Lindsay's best friend from her. She'd been the competition, yet she wasn't the competition. Lindsay hated to think of her as competition, especially since she'd lost her son tragically and Danny had felt responsible for his death, but in some ways, she was her competition cos she got to see a side of Danny that Lindsay never saw.

"Hi," Danny whispered, breaking into Lindsay's thoughts.

Lindsay cut her eyes over to him. "Hi."

There was a pause between the three of them. Maybe Lindsay was trying to convince herself that she'd not made a mistake in coming over to Danny's apartment, after all. Maybe Danny was trying to think of a reason why Rikki was standing in his livingroom, after he'd called Lindsay and invited her over. Maybe Rikki wasn't sure she had made the right decision in coming to Danny on this stormy night to tell him good-bye cos it had turned out to be harder than she'd ever thought possible. Whatever the three of them were thinking, in those fleeting seconds of only the sound of the rain outside, was to forever be concealed, cos Danny cleared his throat and began introductions.

"Oh, this is Rikki. Ruben's mom," Danny gestured to the woman at his side.

Rikki smiled at Lindsay, Lindsay smiled back at Rikki. Both women unaware that Danny had been intimate with both of them only days apart. He knew it was wrong on his part to not let either of them know his secret, but he couldn't bring himself to tell Lindsay about him sleeping with Rikki out of grief and he couldn't bring himself to tell Rikki that she'd had sex with a man who may or may not be in a relationship. He figured it was best to keep his secret...well, secret...For now.

"Did I come by at a bad time?" Lindsay asked, eying Danny as she spoke.

"Uh, no." Danny scratched the back of his head. "Rikki just came by to bring me some, uh...Sugar...She wanted to let me know she was moving."

"I was just leaving, actually," Rikki cut in, trying to help Danny out with his explanation of things.

Rikki stepped through the door, turned back to Danny, and smiled. "Thank you for the coffee."

Danny nodded, a smile on his lips as well. "No problem."

"Nice meeting you, Lindsay," Rikki reach her hand out to shake the young woman's hand.

"Nice meeting you, too. I've heard so much about you," Lindsay lied as she returned the hand shake with a broad, fake smile.

Rikki glanced at Danny, wondering why he'd talked to this stranger about her, but had never mentioned this woman to her before. But she said nothing cos she didn't want to hang around for another minute with Danny's friend...A girl.

"Bye."

"Bye, Rikki." Danny said the words, barely audible, cos he was afraid of letting them ring in his ears as truth cos then, she would really be gone.

Rikki headed down the hall, toward her apartment. There was so much to do. She had to pack her own things, getting everything organized what going to take forever! She had to pack up Ruben's things to send to storage, that was the plan, anyway, she didn't want to take much of his belongings with her cos it hurt too much to see a racecar bed that would never be slept in again, too hard to see a cereal bowl with matching spoon that would never be eaten out of again, or a pair of soccer cleats that would never be worn again. And she had to make some final calls to find out if everything was set for her arrival in Maryland. She had to make sure her uncle was ready for her to start as soon as possible at his firm, she had to make sure the house she had picked out to rent in a small fishing town along the coast, was ready for her to move into, but most of all, she had confirm the appointment with her family doctor.

Rikki had to know for sure if she was indeed pregnant or not. She had taken a home test, sure, but those things weren't always 100 accurate. No, she had to have a blood test done and she had to know before she left New York City. But she wasn't going to tell Danny her secret. Not until she was sure he could handle it. It wasn't gonna be anytime soon, tho, that was the one thing she was most sure of. She'd move to Maryland, as planned, get her life together, as planned, then she'd figure out how and when to tell Danny Messer that he was going to be a daddy.

The End.

* * *

author's final note i promise, lol: there will eventually be a pt 2 to this story. **Analise**,another DR story of mine, IS NOT PT 2!! thanx :)


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